Grayscale

Life isn't black and white - it's gray.

Photo by Guilherme Madaleno on Unsplash

Growing up, I enjoyed objective fields of study. Math and science are facts and figures. Every problem has a definitive answer — binary, black and white. But when I applied the studies into real life, they became gray. Why? When you mix something theoretically untainted with a tainted substance called life, the entire concoction is gray.

With each passing year, I am learning that life’s lines are quite often blurred — not a collection of rigid blacks and whites.

For example, we may often simplify people’s beliefs and opinions into a bipartisan, American environment. But the result of placing them into 1 or 2 buckets may break an idea’s holistic integrity. It no longer fairly represents the idea because it was lumped into a bucket of other generalized assumptions.

Likewise, business decisions involve many variables — revenue, costs, vision, future forecasts, culture, and people. It seems unfair to say that a business decision was made solely for one particular reason. And I’m convinced that business leaders carefully deliberate before arriving to a decision that may affect many areas of the company.

And relationships, by far, deal with the most complex streams of emotions, memories, and experiences. Our feelings are difficult to process and express to others. And others may misunderstand our feelings based on their assumptions formed by past experiences.

A theoretical methodology, in its best state, cannot account for every nuance and gray variable in these real life situations. Yet I find the urge to paint life in blacks and whites. Why? First, black and white pictures make it easier to make sense of the world. And second, we’re encouraged to paint the world in black and white.

Black and white is easier

One of the first “complicated” books I picked up was Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Of the 499 pages, I remember one distinct claim.

“Our minds default to operating quickly with assumptions. And if we want to make a good, thorough decision, then we have to slow down.”¹

“Our minds default to operating quickly with assumptions…”

Everyday we make many decisions without much effort. We’re prone to take the path of least resistance. Call it laziness or efficiency. But it’s a good thing in the right contexts!

Imagine if we thought “left foot forward, right foot forward” every time we went for a walk or run. Or if you’re an experienced driver, imagine focusing on the speedometer every second during your commute. We’d be mentally exhausted before noon!

But our minds have an ability to go on autopilot for the tasks we often perform. It says, “I know how this goes, I don’t have to think so hard about this one.” This ability frees us to save “thinking fuel” (i.e. willpower) for more complicated matters in the day. But if this ability isn’t kept in check, we become too prone to generalizing and taking the lazy route all the time, even in situations that require our fullest attention.

For example, have you read a test question to miss the “which of these are NOT” in the prompt? Or have you worked too fast and missed a typo that affected your entire project? These are a result of moving a bit too quickly when we should have slowed down.

“… And if we want to make a good, thorough decision, then we have to slow down.”

Sometimes I make decisions too quickly on higher stake matters. The decision(s) often results in a poor outcome. But why do I do this? Shouldn’t I know when to slow down? There could be 2 reasons why I don’t.

1. I’m lazy and made the deliberate choice to quickly arrive at a conclusion.

2. I’m ignorant to realize that the situation required deeper thinking, and I made a rash conclusion.

More often than not, I think that I’m guilty under reason #1. But in fact, I often fall under reason #2. How so?

Reason #1 are scenarios like reading a question too fast or missing a typo. We are aware of these mistakes. Therefore, the simple solution is to consciously slow down to reduce these mistakes. But reason #2 occurs more often due to the very fact that I am ignorant to even realize that I should slow down.

These scenarios can be the forms of political discussions, business decisions, or relationships. Often times, I ignorantly simplify these matters when they shouldn’t be. And so, the opinions/conclusions I reach are often poor, shallow, and potentially harmful. So how do I reduce my ignorance and recognize what may require slower, deeper thinking?

For now, I recognized one significant (though not the sole) factor. We’re encouraged to paint the world in black and white. And it’s important to curb that influence.

Photo by Rafael De Nadai on Unsplash

Black and white is encouraged

In school, I was taught to read the prompt carefully and double check my work. But how do we behave when that encouragement disappears? What if the encouragement is now the opposite — that we’re told to generalize everything in life?

I know that it’s important to take time to understand the full picture. But why do I want to categorize a person’s idea into 1 of 2 political ideologies? Why is it the norm to often demonize businesses who layoff a portion of their employees while often worshipping those that announce wage increases? Why do we point the primary fault of a failed relationship at the other person?

I’m convinced that we all know the importance of understanding the whole context, but we may still choose to generalize. Why? Our environment encourages us to paint the world in black and white, and we may not be aware of the influence.

I’m not here to conceptually talk about the systemic influences. I’m here to talk about the direct influences in my life. For example, news articles I see display titles that are intended to grab our attention and over-simplify matters. Comment threads on social media posts turn personal, complex discussions into impersonal, simplified generalizations. In addition, I’m often exposed to curated (i.e. limited) information on my newsfeeds. Therefore, to paint the world with partial pieces of a puzzle can often lead to a false conclusion of the whole image.

How do I curb the influence?

Nowadays, I am slow to form an opinion because I want to take time to understand the full picture. Often times, I don’t have an opinion because I haven’t invested enough time. And I find it more admirable to say either “I don’t know” or “here’s what I think as of right now” — rather than a dishonest statement that is supported by thin, limited, collected assumptions.

And though there is pressure to be well opinionated on every current issue, I’d still rather be honest. Some may say that to not have an opinion means that you don’t care or that you’re against the issue. But if what I said before is true, then a lot of time should be invested to form a thorough opinion. It’s more impressive to see those who can quickly form an opinion on current issues, if they have indeed spent the proper time studying them.

Final Thoughts

I find it so odd that this is how life appears to work. I expected life to become simpler and less complex as I age. I imagined a line graph going from the top left to the bottom right — the longer I live, the more life’s complexity decreases. But the chart seems to be going in the opposite direction — up and to the right. It’s still counterintuitive to me.

While that can seem frustrating and difficult, I’m learning to find it frightening, awe-striking, and beautiful. I guess the saying is true — we are only wise when we know how much we don’t know. And I don’t think I will ever reach the end of learning how much I don’t know.

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What I’m Reading:

Currently Reading: Free to Choose — Milton Friedman & Rose Friedman

Recently finished: Every Good Endeavor — Timothy Keller

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Appendix Thoughts:

This additional section contains an anecdote from my life that inspired this post.

A few months ago, while in New York, I grabbed coffee with a friend who I hadn’t spoken with in a while. The topic of managing people came up. And we both concluded that managing people is a very “grayscale” environment.

As you might guess, a manager’s role becomes less about doing the work and more about enabling a team. Practically, a manager should give clear guidance to the team and provide opportunities for members to learn and grow. But there is a whole other territory that a manager must face.

There are external forces that surround the team. Other peer-managers, directors, or executives can impact the team. Projects are requested, one time favors are asked, or criticisms are sent. It’s a manager’s role to promote, filter, or protect the team from these external factors. Some may refer to this as the game of bureaucracy.

My friend and I wondered if playing this game is inevitable, should one choose to enter a managerial role. And though this initially felt like a necessary evil, perhaps there’s more gray in the game of bureaucracy. Maybe not all of it is bad.

This friend, who entered a managerial-type role, noticed a nuance between what could determine a good manager versus a bad one. It was a nuance that I had never considered. A good manager, of course, should care and cultivate the team. But what may be more important is how well respected a manager is in the organization. Why?

A well-respected manager can bestow the earned respect upon his or her team. It’s one thing to have a manager who cares for you personal growth. But it’s another thing to have a manager who can do that AND connect you with opportunities to work with others across the organization. By sharing what has been personally cultivated, a manager can equip his or her team to succeed beyond himself or herself. And so, if this were the underlying motive for “playing the game” — then the work may be admirable.

This isn’t to say that all managers have well-intended, selfless motives. But it wouldn’t be fair to discount the good endeavors made by managers who are looking to bless others.

1. In my own words, not a direct quote.